Letters
by T.V programs rule
Summary: Why couldn't you leave me there? Wherever the hell I was when I died, why couldn't you just leave me there, Dean? Why did you have to go make a deal with the devil? Why is your soul more important than mine?
1. Chapter 1

Hey people, okay, I'm a younger sibling. I have 2 older brother's and 4 older sisters, but i'm only very very close to one older brother and one older sister...complicated relationships lol Anyway, because of this, i feel i can understand Sam or then i can Dean, my sister (The one i'm close to) doesnt really get Sam's point of view on this.

So this is for all those younger siblings out there, and hopefully it helps the older ones to understand a bit more. xxx Love yas all, let me know what you think xxxxxxxxx

This is a letter that Sam writes to Dean after Dean makes the deal with the crossroads deal. I completely understand why Dean did it, but i understand how Sam might feel more.

* * *

Why couldn't you leave me there? Wherever the hell I was when I died, why couldn't you just leave me there, Dean? Why did you have to go make a deal with the devil? Why is your soul more important than mine?

You say that you had to, that you didn't have any other choice because it's your job to look out for me. What about me, Dean? How am I supposed to live with the knowledge that you're in _Hell_ because of me?

Hell, Dean, _HELL!_

You do know what they do down there, don't you? Do you realize what you're welcoming party will be like, right? How can you expect me to be ok with this? I don't understand. Help me understand, Dean, because I don't.

You couldn't live without me for a few hours…how the hell can you expect me to live without you forever? It's not right, it's not fair! You could have lived without me, Dean. You've done it before. You lived four happy years without ever knowing me. I've never lived without you! You've been there since the second I was born!

I don't know how to live without you.

At least when I was at Stanford, I knew you were out there somewhere, somewhere that wasn't blood HELL, getting tortured! How can you do this to me!

You selfish bastard!

WHY?

And then you tell me not to do the same thing you did, not to save you! Why can you save me but I can't return the favour? What is it with older siblings and thinking that they have to do all the protecting? If anything we younger siblings feel more protective over you. After everything you've done for us, after…just after everything!

You've always stood infront of me Dean. And as I got older, it annoyed me. I wanted to be at the side of you, I wanted to be equal. But I never was, you never let me be. No matter what I said or did, you always stood infront of me, always blocked my body with yours so nothing could harm me, be it with knifes, guns or words from cruel kids, you never let anything hit me. You always took the hit first.

You've always been my brick wall that I've hid behind, that nothing or no one could tear down. Nothing or no one but you. You're tearing that wall down, Dean, you're taking it away. You're leaving me unprotected! You're leaving me to fight this war alone, and I don't know how to! How am I supposed to fight when all I want is to go to hell with you? If you can't be here, then I don't wanna be either.

How am I supposed to wake up every day knowing that you're getting tortured because of me? Because I wasn't strong enough to kill Jake, because I turned my back on the enemy, just because I was damn well STUPID!

And you have to pay for that.

Just like you've always paid for my mistakes.

I'm sorry, Dean. God, I'm so sorry. Please don't leave me. I promise I'll do better, alright? I promise I'll fight harder, I'll get stronger, I promise, Dean, just please don't go! Don't leave me in this world. A world of war, a world of nightmares and monsters. Don't leave me alone.

I'm scared.

And I know you are too, alright, I know you.

I need you to help me, Dean. Help me to save you, help me to save me!

I'll do it; I'll find a way to get you out of this. I will! After all, you've got me out of troubling situations. You've got me out of fights with Dad and with bullies at school, you've got me out of training when I was too tired to do it physically and emotionally, you've got me out of lectures by my teachers for not being in school.

You got me out of the burning house the night Mum died.

I'll get you out of this Dean.

I promise.

* * *

Well? I know it's not good good, but hopefully it's still good?

Would you like me to write another chapter? Maybe a letter after Dean dies? Let me know xxxxxx


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, a little short but i thought that if i added any more i would have ruined it lol. Enjoy.

Thanks to **UnKnownUnseenUnheard** for the review: Thanks a lot babe, means a lot. And yeah, i always saw Sam going between those emotions as well, being scared and unsure whether he could get Dean out, and being totally pissed at Dean for doing it and pretending it didnt matter and hardly helping to get himself out of the deal. lol Anyway hope u enjoy xxxxxx

This letter is after Dean goes to Hell.

* * *

I don't know how to start this. I've been sitting here, staring at a blank page for the past 3 hours. You've been go...I've been alon...It's been a week since _it _happened. Bobby finally got sick of me being stuck to his couch staring at the wall with a bottle of jack glued to my hand.

_"Unglue your ass from my sofa, boy. Your brother never died for nothing."_ His words exactly.

Up until that point I've been sort of in a daze, in a state were nothing felt real. Truthfully I prefered it that way, feeling numb for awhile. I wasn't really accepting that you were...you know, until Bobby said the words.

Right now I just feel tired, drained of energy. You were always the one to get us going, get us moving onto our next adventure. There's no adventure without you. I don't see the point in anything anymore.

I know you'll probably be dissappointed. You'd tell me to get my shit together, get out there and kill as many evil sons of bitches as I can.

But the thing is you're...you're not here, Dean. You left me. Left me to deal with all this shit on my own. Just like Mum left me, and Jess left me, and Dad left me...Why did you have to join them? God Dean, I wasn't worth it.

I WASN'T BLOODY WORTH IT!

Why did you go? Why did you stop fighting? God, what was the damn point, Dean? What do you want me to do now?

What am I supposed to do now?

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, DEAN?

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Well? Good? Bad? Incredibly horrible? LET ME KNOW PEOPLE! Thank u, love ya xxx


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